First on the agenda

I have just returned from a staff meeting quite unlike any other I’ve been to before.

After the usual delay in starting, shuffling of papers, getting more chairs and faffing about we adopted the agenda (always a bizarre thing to do in my mind, if we said we needed to talk about it why are we discussing it again?)

Anyway, we launched into it, the first item being information on the workplace HIV/AIDS policy. Next thing I know a wooden willy, complete with all anatomical features, is plonked on the desk. We were asked to give ‘him’ a name to make it easier to talk about – everyone decided on ‘Johnny’. Condoms were handed round, male and female versions and then we get a rather graphic demonstration of how to use them involving Johnny, a coke bottle, an empty loo roll tube and plenty of hand actions! Good grief! The whole thing was done in Chichewa with the odd word of English thrown in - I obviously got the gist of the situation but was puzzled when I heard ‘vigorous’, ‘testasticles’ and ‘banana sweeties’!!!

The rest of it, all 3 hours worth, was terribly boring in comparison. By the time we got to the last item - Purchase of new bins (2 types – wet and dry) for kitchen, most people were quietly snoozing or poking their pens up their noses.

According to the person I was sitting next to, who every now and again translated a bit for me, I’ve been voted onto the Protocol, Entertainment and Decoration sub-committee of the upcoming Website Launch Event!! Goodness knows what I'll be doing fo that! I did find myself volunteering to train them all in basic First Aid too – I can’t wait – a whole day of playing with bandages and putting people in the recovery position. Has anyone got any fake blood I can have?