Licence to kill

I really could have killed someone...

After having the car sorted out at the garage, I had to get a new licence so I went of to the dreaded Traffic Department. I was told it opened at 1.30 so I got there, asked which office did licences and went to stand in line. 45 minutes later, having been pointedly ignored by the man at the desk and stared at by everyone else (I perhaps shouldn't have chosen to wear a bright pink shirt) I was getting pretty fed up. As I turned to leave, the DeskMan called me back and asked what I wanted, 'a car licence please, if its not too much trouble' I said through gritted teeth. 'I can't give you one, you have to go to Office 2 first.' Right, ok, deep breath - So, I go to Office 2, which says Eye tests on the door! Just to be safe, I thought I'd just check before I joined the queue that they did actually do licences not opthalmology, good plan - this was eye tests for driving licences. Ok, so can someone please tell me which office does CAR LICENCES please (said V-EE-R-Y S-L-OO-W-L-Y!) 'Yes, yes, this way please Madam, Office no.4'

Office no. 4 had about 50 people crowding round outside, looking antsy -the door was firmly shut but the man said they would open soon. I chose a pillar and stood next to it , deep breathing (but not too deep as someone close was none too fragrant) and thinking to myself how much I miss nice, orderly British queues... True to his word, the door did open soon and everyone scrambled through. Now, office 4 was about 6m x 4m, not big, certainly not big enough for all the people who wanted to be in there - no proper queue this time, just two scrums opposite the open counters - I chose a strategic position, neither fully in one line or other but ready at a moment's notice to switch allegiance and go to the one that was moving faster. Except that never happened...no one moved for an hour, people moved about behind the counter, tantilisingly sitting down, ready to recieve, only to disppear again.

It was hot and stinky and airless and horrid - I was stared at the whole time. I clutched onto my documents, fanning myself and rememebering that this sort of thing is character building! After an hour and half, rumours started, in Chichewa, but i got the gist of it - their system was down but it was being mended - bugger that, mended by when? By the time we've all died from dehydration or anoxia?

So, after all that I decided to leave...I turned to face the melee, uttering more forceful 'excuse mes' that I would normally, until I reached fresh air. I got back to the car to find it blocked in by some flashsuited nobber jabbering into his mobile. I gave him a 'frosty-the-snow-bitch' look and he got the message pretty quick and went to move -I climbed into Baby Beast and went to put the documents back into my bag when I noticed that the envelope that I'd had my money in was empty...

Like I said, I could have killed someone....